Saturday, October 23, 2010

Some days I wish I could just start fresh
completely erase everything. Erase my jealousy, erase my insecurity, erase all the mean things I’ve said and the hurt I’ve caused people. I wish I could erase my own hurt, erase all the negative things that have been said to me, erase the way certain memories make me feel. I want to erase my pride, erase my hyper-independence, erase my cynicism, erase it all. I am so sick of who I am and the way that I freak out about stuff. I’m sick of being so hurt that I can’t let anyone in. I’m sick of feeling lonely, when I shouldn’t. I’m sick of being lazy. I want to pull out a blank sheet of paper and start fresh. Forget the mistakes I’ve made and have a new beginning.

But it doesn’t work out like that. The choices I’ve made are mine and I have no one else to blame them on. I can’t just run away from my past and I can’t just run away from who I am. I just have to look that person in the eye and say “I am not going to be like this anymore. Things will change and I’m willing to work on these flaws, no matter how much it hurts or is uncomfortable.”

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